.​.​.​Play Songs For Lovers EP

by The Jerky Beats

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Cheeky Pete Beat: Big Muff
Jerky Jon: Pringles tube
Mild Phil Chokeword: Voice of a generation

The Jerky Beats are pro-violent dancing. Please maim and injure yourself to other peoples’ bands so that people can have fun to ours. The Jerky Beats collectively endorse Doing The Fish. Ball your fists in your parka pockets. Swing your hips backwards whilst locking your knees. Now swing your hips forward whilst bending your knees. Feels pretty sexy, huh?

This EP was recorded, mixed and mastered by Dan at Planet Sounds one March evening in 2013 for what worked out at painless £13 a song. Budget rock. We drank lots of tea.

The Jerky Beats are a DIY punk band. We will play anywhere for petrol money. We will eat any vego food you offer and sleep soundly on your floor. We will make you watch Match of the Day. Before we leave, we will wash up and maybe flush the toilet.


released May 21, 2013




Ten Songs Podcast UK

Ten Songs Podcast. DIY punk / hardcore / garage / whatever podcast. Over caffeination. Semi-retirement. Very occasional records to download. Random attempts to fight off boredom / entropy / jadedness. That's about it. Click the Blogger link for podcasts and other bumph. ... more

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Track Name: Tory Party Dance Party
Fuck you, fuck you, my daddy was a rich man. Let me tell you, if your daddy ain’t a rich man, then this country don’t give a fuck about you! Fuck you, fuck you, yeah I went to Eaton. Let me tell you, if you didn’t go to Eaton, then this country don’t give a fuck about you! Fuck you, fuck you, I won’t never need the dole queue. Let me tell you, if you’re ever in the dole queue, then my friends in power will fuck you! Tory Party! Dance Party!

***This is a song about social mobility and the lack there of. If this somehow isn’t obvious, talk to some real people or read something like Chavs: Demonization of the Working Class by Owen Jones. If there are still libraries open when you are, they may have a copy. Books are rock ‘n’ roll, fuck you.***
Track Name: A Witty Conversationalist (No Ones Voting Liberal Anymore)
I hear the words come out but they don’t mean a thing. I’ve already stopped listening, I just don’t care ‘bout what you think. You talk and talk and talk and talk but all I hear is noise. Shut the fuck up. I hear the words come out but they don’t mean a thing. Blah blah blah blah Blah blah blah blah. Your just a waste of hair gel and air. Talk talk talk talk. You talk and talk and talk. Can’t you see, man, I don’t care about the shit you’re spouting. You talk and talk and talk. I’ve got your number, you fucking turd. Shut the fuck up.

***Actually they are, cos where I live just elected a Liberal Democrat in a bi-election. But the sentiment still stands. A song about untrustworthy politicians (of which I believe there are one or two kicking around).***
Track Name: Size Matters
I watch the news and read the papers and I think that I’ve got it worked out. In those headlines’ the answer, I can’t believe that I ever missed it. It’s clear to me - is it to you, man? When you want to steal from someone, when you want to rip off someone, when you want to launder cash, don’t be modest cos you’ll get busted. Ruin thousands and get away with it. We need to up our game... I want golden handshakes, cocaine and caviar. I’ll even wear a tie! I’ll do anything!

***I’ve decided that the difference between getting away with something and winding up in jail is a question of scale. Rip off one old lady, and you’re probably going to get busted. Work in investment banking, get mega rich doing shady deals and have to get bailed out by the tax payer and you’ll probably be ok... though you may eventually lose your knighthood.***
Track Name: 2002 Was A Good Vintage
You know what? Fuck nostalgia, it’s really not ten years ago. What we had we let go so fuck off eulogising it. We keep staggering backwards, only remembering the high points. We keep telling those stories. Nothing changes. You know what? It’s fucking boring, all of the shit that we talk about. If you want something happening then you have to work to make it happen. I do nothing. We do nothing. We just moan. I just rot.

***This band was put together two weeks before our first show. We had no songs at this point. This song is about how if you move on from punk, that’s cool – but if your kicking around moaning about how it used to be better without doing anything useful, than it’s kinda your fault your scene sucks. This means that this song is pretty much about me. I’m trying to be less of a prick though.***
Track Name: Message In A Bottle (Reads Fuck You)
“Too many days spent wasted, so much dead air. I’m not the man that I thought I’d grow up to be.” Broken hearts. Broken bones. Like I fucking care, yeah? Yeah... “Too many plans that fell through - All those hopes were lies... I see her face Every time That I close my eyes.” Broken hearts. Broken bones. Like I fucking care, yeah? Yeah... J – E – R – K – Y –B –E –A –T –S. J – E – R – K – Y– B –E –A –T –S. I’m scamming on your ex, Pete’s passed out on your floor, Jon is Monkee dancing - you’re just a fucking bore.

***Bad stuff happens. I’m not trying to belittle that in any way. But in my case, I realised that I had to let go of the relatively petty excuses I was recycling for how fucked my life was, sort myself out and stop being a buzz kill/reprobate. Pete would like it noted you will pass out a long time before he will. Jon would like it noted he bares no resemblance to Micky Dolenz. I would like it noted that your ex is way cute. Also: Fuck Sting.***